One thing I have learned in life is that some people are just, plain and simple, assholes.
This shouldn’t come as a revelation to you. You’ve probably dealt with a number of assholes throughout your life. Coworkers. Customers. Exes. I’m sure you could rattle off five names right now without thinking. In fact, please do that, and write those five names down for a second.
What do these people have in common? I bet the following traits are almost ubiquitously prevalent on each individual: 1) they don’t give a crap about anyone’s wants, desires, or well being, other than themselves; 2) they are obstinant in their ways and you can’t change their mind; 3) they have some degree of authority or control which allows them to make your life miserable; and 4) there is no perceived logic or reason to their actions, nor do they care to provide logic or reasons for their actions.
Now add the people that gave us the BCS to your list. Hey, they fit right in, don’t they? Now hopefully you’re not so worked up about college football the BCS’ oppression of your wants and desires impacts your life nearly as much as the rest of the people on the list. Or maybe you live an asshole-free existence that makes the BCS conference commissioners’ evils worse than the others on your list (in which case, kudos to you). Either way, if you look at the four traits, it fits the BCS committee to a T. I’m not going to go into the boring breakdown of how these traits apply – read every other article on the net about the BCS process if you’re interested in that – my point here is that the BCS is run by assholes who will never respond to logic, and will never change, so the best we can do is hope they get embarrassed. Because when bad things happen to assholes, it is good.
Which is why we all need to root for Mayhem.
Mayhem has a 7-5 Louisville team playing in prime time for tens of millions of dollars as a 30 point dog, instead of playing a competitive game during Christmas week in the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl. Mayhem has a terrible UCLA club in the “Grandaddy of them all” at 7-6, instead of playing foosball in the basement of the athletic dorm. And, most importantly, Mayhem pits two teams against each other for the “national championship” that didn’t even win their conference.
Any one of these things would be an abomination, and cause great embarrassment to the BCS, showing the system to be complete and total garbage. Which it is. As such, we should root for ALL of them to happen, to heap as much shame on the assholes who foist the BCS upon us as we can.
In that spirit, Cincinnati must lose to UConn (not impossible), which gets Louisville to a BCS bowl game. Cincy fans must root for this – you can’t win the Big East, so please cheer for Mayhem instead. Oregon must lose to UCLA (okay, this is impossible). Duck fans probably won’t be on board for this one, and it probably won’t matter as Oregon should win by 92 or so points, but maybe UCLA pulls their helmets out of their collective asses and gives their fired coach a victory in his departure as a giant middle finger to the man. That sounds good anyway. Most importantly, Georgia must beat LSU. LSU is going to the national championship game against Bama anyway. A loss actually gives the SEC a 3rd BCS team, and more money for the whole conference, so LSU is strictly better off losing to Georgia. Plus, they should play a completely vanilla scheme and protect their starters so they are in the best position for the game that really matters, the “national championship”, right? So LSU fans agree – Geaux Dawgs, and more importantly, Geaux Mayhem, right?
Because the more of a joke the bowl season is, the more justice is served.